How Divorce Affects Kids

It is not uncommon for children to feel at fault for their parents divorcing, and they may take on the attitude that if they could only do this better, or that better, everything will be okay. Or the child could take the exact opposite position, being filled with feelings of anger and rage which they will direct at one or both of the parents. If a child is effected in this way you may find that they will be getting into a lot more trouble than they were before, or their grades slip, etc. It is possible that a child will become withdrawn and remote as they themselves attempt to work through the hurt and loss they are experiencing.

Helping Your Children With The Divorce Issue

First, it is absolutely necessary that you and your spouse work together on this. Remember, no matter what your currents feelings about your spouse, these are your kids and their wellbeing is of the utmost importance.

Sit down together with your children and explain to them that their family is not disappearing, but simply going through some changes. You will always be a family, and their mother and father will always be very important to each other, but things will change. Help them to understand that it has nothing to do with them, and that you and your spouse still care a great deal about each other, but that living together is no longer what is best for your family.

Never use your children as pawns against your spouse, or involve them in a tug of war, this hurts everyone and helps no one. Donít make them feel that they owe allegiance to one or the other of you; they should always feel that they are loved by both their mother and father as much during and after a divorce as they were before.

The temptation may be great at times to use the children to hurt your spouse as you have been hurt, but donít do it. You may be successful in hurting your ex spouse with the children, but you will ultimately hurt the kids far worse.

What is most important for children during this time is that they feel secure in the love of both parents and that they know that the both of you will always be there for them. With this in mind, donít argue and fight, especially when the children are present, and try not to brake down, if there is a chance one of your kids will see it. There is little more disturbing to a child than to walk into a room and see their mother crying, or their father staring of blankly into space. This may be a tall order, but kids are smart and can your despair; even if you must endure the feelings make an attempt to shield your children.

If you do find that your divorce is having an adverse affect on your children to the point you feel it is a deep problem, it may be a good idea for all of you to attend family counseling. This will help not only your children but yourself work through the worst of the problems.

Information Source

American Psychology Association